“HIS OWN” AND “HER OWN”
J. Renton
I desire to say a few words about the uniqueness of the marriage bond. There is nothing else like it in relationships. I refer to the latter part of verse 2 in 1 Corinthians 7—“Let each have his own wife, and each woman have her own husband”— his own and her own. A brother may have a house; he may have many possessions; but there is nothing as close as his wife, his own wife. No matter what possessions a sister may have, there is something closer than anything else—her own husband. His own and her own is a closer relationship than father and son, or mother and daughter. The marriage bond is the most intimate of all relationships.
There is a certain sanctity about the marriage bond; it is a divine institution. We need to keep this level of things before us, not only our young brother and sister who are married today, but all of us. We need to be reminded of the unique intimacy of the marriage bond. Our brother spoke about sharing, sharing thoughts, sharing impressions; that ought to be true with husband and wife; his own wife, her own husband. A man may say he has his own house, but it is not his own in the same sense that his wife is his own.
It is seen, as this scripture in Ephesians presents it to us, in Christ and the assembly: “So ought men also to love their own wives as their own bodies”. This scripture is often referred to in an occasion like this, and often stress is laid on subjection on the part of the wife, which is all right in its place, but actually there is more said about the husband than about the wife. There is more said about the husband because the husband is to present initiation in love. This is needed because as husbands we are all selfish.
We would have to accept that men are basically selfish, hence the need for these injunctions that the husband should love his own wife. “So ought men also to love their own wives as their own bodies”. What could be closer than husband and wife in this setting, in the sanctity and the intimacy of the marriage bond? This bond has been entered into today by our young brother and sister. The husband needs to have this attitude of showing initiative in love, which will be responded to on the part of his own wife. Initiative in love is to be maintained.
How beautifully it is set forth, how perfectly, in our Lord Jesus Christ! Has there not been demonstration of initiative in love in Christ which has begotten a response with every one of us? That is to be the divine standard in relation to which our marriages are to work out for the glory and pleasure of God, and for the furtherance of the testimony.
“So ought men also to love their own wives as their own bodies; he that loves his own wife loves himself”. We need to let this lay hold of us. “For no one has ever hated his own flesh”—that is true naturally—“but nourishes it and cherishes it”—that is true too, but it goes on, “even as also the Christ the assembly”. The assembly is the counterpart of Christ. We often speak about it, delight to speak about it, delight in the light that through mercy has been vouchsafed to us because of the faithfulness of those who have gone before us; but it needs to be maintained in our marriages and in our households, “for we are members of his body; we are of his flesh, and of his bones”. We speak about the truth of union; this is the truth of union—“he that loves his own wife loves himself”. That is how Christ loves the assembly.
Assembly persons think as Christ does. These are assembly features, taken on by assembly persons. It would be a poor thing if we have the light of the assembly and do not fill it out in our daily lives down here. This is the divine standard for all of us, not only for our brother and sister who are married today, but all of us are to maintain this divine level.
Look around in the world today, as our brother has already said, and marriage is regarded as a temporary thing. How awful! What a departure that is! But believers are to fill out the divine institution in the light of the mystery of Christ and the assembly, and, there is to be a testimony in substantiality. What the Lord is looking for is something substantial; not just persons who have certain light, but the substantiality of that light worked out and expressed in our daily lives here. Just as assembly persons think as Christ thinks, and have the mind of Christ, according to 1 Corinthians 2: 16, so husband and wife should think alike. There cannot be any sharing like the sharing of husband and wife. How important this is, but how blessed to have some little part in fulfilling it. May it be so, with each one of us here. And may the Lord bless our brother and sister, in the light of this, and in the daily working out of it, for His glory.
Words at the marriage of Mr. Paul White and Miss Olive Lamont, Cumnock
1 August 1980