MARRIAGE IN THE LORD

A letter from an older sister to a young one on the occasion of her marriage May 22nd, 1939

My Dear,

As you stand on the edge of this profoundly new chapter of your life my thoughts and love go out to you. The wonderful possibilities of this great step come into one’s mind, in view of the assembly.

I believe God is helping our young people today to look at marriage from a very different viewpoint from that of the world. Today with many the first thought is the pleasure of God, rather than merely natural affinity and mutual human happiness, because it is for that we were created. A marriage undertaken on this basis is far more sure of a happy outcome than one on any other, indeed to do anything with the pleasure of God as the first requisite is an absolute assurance of a worthwhile outcome, and there is no assurance of it any other way. Where God’s pleasure is the first consideration, you will find that unbreakable spiritual links between you and your husband will grow and strengthen year by year till you have a fund of spiritual riches in common that will last into eternity.

So I suggest that the requisites to start with are faith and courage. Then whatever comes you will never be taken aback, because your eye will be on God. He is to get something out of everything, the joys, the sorrows, the inevitable adjustments, the possible misunderstandings, and the happy fellowship in divine things—‘that God in all things may be glorified’.

Do not hesitate to yield headship to your husband fully and unreservedly. Not only will it be beautiful to heaven to see you fitting happily into God’s economy, but it is His provision for your blessings. Headship is a woman’s rest and refuge in natural things even if it sometimes irks her will. If times come when you do not agree with your husband, as they will, ask God to change his viewpoint if it is wrong instead of contending yourself. He will do it or else show you that you were mistaken. The idea of headship is influence and guidance, not the giving of commands, and the wife who yields to it will seldom find a lack of the nourishing and cherishing enjoined on the husband. That little word “as” in Ephesians puts this whole matter on a most exalted platform, the wife yielding subjection “as” the assembly to Christ, and the husband nourishing and cherishing “as” Christ the assembly.

And now for a few practical suggestions before I close. Do not neglect reading and prayer together morning and evening. The morning and evening lambs, though not referring directly to this, are a suggestion of it. The readings do not need to be long; life is strenuous with early morning work hours and many meetings in the evenings. A few minutes are enough for the daily routine. There will be special occasions when you want to spend more time together over the Scriptures or the ministry. And as to prayer, pray about everything.

But, in addition, do not fail to live your own private life with God. Let nothing interfere with that. Pray much; turn every matter, small or great, into an occasion for prayer. Pray for your husband—not that he may be a great preacher or teacher, but that he may be priestly, with divine sensibilities. The need for .such men is great in every locality.

If you are lonely this first year away from your old home and with perhaps not enough to do, ask the Lord to keep you busy for His household. Ask Him each day what you can do that day for His precious body. A letter of comfort, a visit paid, someone lonely entertained in your home, these are services well pleasing to Him which will comfort your own heart.

Ban gossip from your home like poison.

Keep any little personal differences between yourself and your husband within the four walls.

Tiny fires can be quickly extinguished there, but can grow into big flames if aired. And in such a case be first to say you are sorry.

Entertain simply and plainly, that it may never be a burden and your house always open. Do not establish a ‘reputation’ for wonderful cookery, etc., let your home rather be known for its atmosphere, that of the Spirit of Christ. A wonderful cuisine is not said to be in God’s sight of great price, nor an immaculate house, but a meek and quiet spirit is.

I am not overlooking that the wife is enjoined to be diligent in home work.

May God bless you much in your new setting, and make you a blessing! May He indeed find pleasure in your home! This is the earnest wish and prayer of Yours very affectionately, …